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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28400604">a purse for a heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundrymunity/pseuds/sundrymunity'>sundrymunity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Loves, First Years, Gen, M/M, star tear disease</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:08:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28400604</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundrymunity/pseuds/sundrymunity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A phenomenon known as Starfall Disease has inflicted the world for centuries. Each culture has its own take on the legends of how it came to be, but all of them share the similarity of Humanity at fault. In Japan, there lives two boys: one who finds wonder in the sounds until they haunt his every day, and the other his objection of affection.</p><p>--</p><p>The first time Subaru sees the sparkling things fall is on a children's cartoon at age seven, a young girl in animated form helped by those around her. The dangers are listed clear as day (sharp as glass, fallen stars often hurt those who weren't careful; the more you cried, the less you saw; eventually, as a way to survive, your mind would begin to forget the things you loved about a person) yet seem harmless, all solved neatly at the end of the episode without a single one coming true.</p><p>Subaru thinks they're pretty, watches the episode every time it comes on, and doesn't quite get the way his mother sighs at the end.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akehoshi Subaru/Sakasaki Natsume</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a purse for a heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>星涙病 - Star Tear Disease (Hoshinamidabyou)<br/>Similar to Hanahaki Disease. People suffering from unrequited feelings will cry "stars"; they're similar to glass and are incredibly painful, and eventually the person afflicted with this disease will go blind. The sound they make when you cry can be pretty much anything.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time Subaru sees the sparkling things fall is on a children's cartoon at age seven, a young girl in animated form helped by those around her. The dangers are listed clear as day (sharp as glass, fallen stars often hurt those who weren't careful; the more you cried, the less you saw; eventually, as a way to survive, your mind would begin to forget the things you loved about a person) yet seem harmless, all solved neatly at the end of the episode without a single one coming true.</p><p>Subaru thinks they're pretty, watches the episode every time it comes on, and doesn't quite get the way his mother sighs at the end.</p><p>The second time is within the walls of the space they tentatively call home, and there's a bell-like sound that goes with it. He wakes in the middle of the night to the sound of his mother's sobs and scoots closer, throat raw as one of his dad's songs sleepily flows out, and her stuttered breaths are filled with something Subaru doesn't understand as she holds him tighter, whispering <em> I'm sorry </em> and laughing weakly when he shakes his head. With Dad gone, Subaru takes on the mantle of 'man of the house' at ten, and tries to become the person his dad was -- what he remembered of him, bright and sparkling and much, much less painful than the stars cutting lightly against his skin.</p><p> </p><p>"I've been looking for YOU," the tone lifting at the end catching in Subaru's ears oddly at fifteen, head turning from the window he'd been clapping erasers at, and the other boy reminds him of a fox on TV... if foxes could put their paws behind their back and walk on two legs, striding up to Subaru and pausing a few steps away. "Akehoshi Subaru-kun."</p><p>"Why?" He asks in reply, because no one looks for him unless they need something done, and this guy <em> wasn't </em> in his class. "I  mean, here I am! But why?"</p><p>The other boy doesn't answer at first, looking over Subaru in a way that causes ants to crawl beneath his skin, before holding out one hand (<em> paw </em> ) to him. "How patheTIC, doing chores for ANOTHER. Have you no pride as a MAN? Or perhaps your <em> pride </em>stems from being willfully stepped on by OTHERS?"</p><p>Subaru doesn't reply, grip tightening on the erasers, and the boy seems to realize something as his hand drops, head inclining down with something genuine in his tone. At least, it <em> feels </em>genuine. "My apoloGIES. I am aware of my own bad haBITS, one of which includes chiding others for their OWN.</p><p>"I am Sakasaki Natsume, and I would greatly enjoy being your FRIEND."</p><p> </p><p>Natsume is a weird boy, who dyes part of his hair (Subaru helps him once, tempted to touch the nape of his neck as Natsume carefully layers the hair he's dying with foil and laughing loudly when the other scolds him for not being able to resist further) and makes snide remarks to the boys in Subaru's class at the end of the day. Mostly when it's not Subaru's day to lock up, but sometimes even when it is. Subaru thinks he likes it a lot, having a friend, even if his friend is prone to admitting to his bad habits moments after doing one and seemingly being unwilling or unable to change them.</p><p>Subaru meets the stars more often in high school, as PSAs and in person as he uncertainly ignores the stifled sniffles in the stall next door, and he finds out that it isn't always a bell-like sound. some are twinkling, glass against glass. Others are what he'd imagine a shooting star to sound like, shimmering like a cartoon. He likes the jingle of coins, it's a favorite sound of his, but the cause of it, once he begins to hear it with more frequence, puts a stone in his stomach.</p><p>He asks Natsume about them once, turning sixteen over the summer, leaning against a tree as the leaves edge reds and golds that match the hair and eyes of the one resting close by, and the other answer starts with a hum.</p><p>"Do you know where they come FROM, Subaru-kun?" Subaru shakes his head, and Natsume picks up a fallen leaf, tearing at it idly. "From a celebrated myth that even a child is aware OF, though not for the disEASE. They say the Princess of the MOON, Kaguya-hime, was affected by her first LOVE, the man she had to leave behind for the sake of her FAMILY."</p><p>"Oh. I thought you were gonna say the Tanabata one."</p><p>"<em> That </em> one is speculated to have started it as WELL, but it was only given name thanks to the story of the bamboo cutter's DAUGHTER." Subaru follows the motion of Natsume's hand from leaf-tearing to red locks as he tucks a stray piece behind his ear, then back to work once more. "Perhaps it was the gods who cursed us with IT, hidden as an affliction of the poor and disGRACED, until it was popularIZED."</p><p>Subaru hums, watching slender fingers diminish the leaf into bits the wind takes away. He knows from idle touches that they're soft and a little warm, often painted and never jagged unlike his own. They're nice. Might be nice to hold too, but Subaru keeps his hand to himself and just grins when he's asked if he's even paying attention; '<em> how RUDE </em>'.</p><p>He thinks he might be paying <em> too </em>much attention, actually.</p><p>But Natsume'd tease him if he said that, so he pushes the words and thoughts back to the edge of his mind and apologies for the lack of attention; it's a bad habit of his.</p><p> </p><p>Subaru may only remember snatches of the story (because Natsume doesn't repeat it, only mentions it offhand from time to time, ) but the sound of the other's voice catches in his mind like snatches of a melody late into the night, the stars outside his window twinkling brightly, pinpoints against the carpet of the sky. He wonders if Natsume likes stars too, and then wonders if he'd wanna watch them with him.</p><p>But when he gets the chance to ask, his throat closes and the moment passes.</p><p>"Subaru-kun," Natsume starts as he leans against the other's desk, watching him sweep, "Do you want to ask me someTHING?"</p><p>Subaru feels like Natsume already knows the answer to that, so why bother asking; he doesn't say that, but <em> does </em> say that <em> maaaaybe </em> he <em> does </em> have something to ask Natsume; the broom supports him and his wide grin well enough, which is really good, because the way Natsume's lips curl in minor triumph has his knees forgetting themselves.</p><p>"There's an aquarium that doubles as a planetarium," Subaru continues, heart jingling like the coins in his pocket, "so I was wondering if you'd wanna check it out~? My treat ☆"</p><p>His friend hums, shifting more onto his perch (Subaru's desk, which won't hold a single scrap of warmth once the other leaves it,) as he considers the proposal. "Your TREAT," he repeats. "Are you asking me out on a DATE, Subaru-kun?"</p><p>"Yup! ☆"</p><p>There's the slightest parting of Natsume's lips, like he hadn't expected such a forthright answer, before it ticks into a smile, slight as the amused narrow of his eyes. <em> Ah </em>, he's interested, and Subaru grins wider as he leans on the broom even more; opens his mouth to speak, to tease a little,</p><p>when the broom creaks uneasily and snaps beneath the abuse, sending Subaru right onto the floor.</p><p>The burst of laughter that follows sounds like stars to Subaru, warm and something he doesn't think he'll <em> ever </em> tire of, and the sight of Natsume trying to compose himself again seals that.</p><p>Subaru grins from the ground and laughs too.</p><p> </p><p><em> My treat </em> he said, not knowing how expensive it'd be, so the date's put off as Subaru works part-time after part-time; Natsume asks him about it every now and then, a tease that lasts through the season and into the wintry months when, even if Subaru wanted take him out, couples bustle about noisily.</p><p>Still, Subaru asks Natsume out. Not to the aquarium, not to stargazing, but to see the lights decorating the city.</p><p>Natsume acquiesces, turning his face away as he does so. A beat, and then he asks Subaru if it wasn't too romantic for a pair of friends.</p><p>Subaru shrugs, hands in his pocket and breath white in the air, and replies that he hadn't even thought about that.</p><p>(He had.)</p><p>"... I SEE," his friend replies, tone inflecting downward ever so slightly. Subaru wonders if he's aware. "Bring a gift anyWAY; it's tradiTION."</p><p>His heart jingles loosely in his chest, thinking of things to get and how it's kind of odd, huh, that Natsume brings up romance, even if Subaru wanted it to be romantic just a little bit, because he really likes Natsume, and he wants to be able to tell him that but it doesn't feel as easy as it should be. maybe it's not a returned feeling, maybe he really just wants to be friends -- <em> just </em> friends -- which Subaru would be okay with too but maybe things wouldn't be okay if something happened between them and he'd be all alone he'd be grasping for anyone's hand and who cares who it'd be <em> anyone </em>would do, anyone at all because-</p><p>his name snaps Subaru out of his thoughts and he realizes he's about five feet behind Natsume, the other's head tilted slightly (like a fox, curious but not overtly so) and their breathes mismatched puffs of white; Subaru inhales sharply when he realizes he needs to <em> breathe </em> and grins widely, hop skip stepping to catch up to his friend and grip his hand, the other's glove warm and soft against his own uncovered one. It's forced, he doesn't want to say what's wrong, and Natsume has enough secrets that Subaru hopes he can let this slide.</p><p>Natsume presses his lips, gaze cool and analytical, and only says: "You looked like a lost DOG."</p><p>"I was just thinking about what to get you," he puts in quickly, looking aside at the houses on their way to parting. "Like, I have a nicer budget than a normal high schooler might! but I dunno what <em> you'd </em> want, Natsume."</p><p>"... A present isn't marked by what it IS, but by the intent behind IT; any sort will DO, I'm not particularly PICKY." A pause, and the addition Subaru's grown to know, to love, finds its way into the conversation. "But I decline any sort of SWEET."</p><p>"That's picky~," Subaru teases, and the air is light again. His heart still jingles with every step, bright and clattering around this spectacular boy, but it's not hurting, and it isn't loud.</p><p>Still, Subaru hates that it gets so dark so early in the day, and makes it a game to hop as close as he can between streetlights on the rest of his lonely walk home, hand warm and thoughts drifting to late-December.</p>
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